“Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

It’s easy to talk the talk but can you walk the walk? In Song of Solomon 8:4 it says “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” You can hear it all day long. The Lord is good. He has a special person picked out solely for you. That person will not only captivate your heart—but He will guide you and lead you where you can do the most Kingdom work. As a 25 year old woman I have heard this multiple times. I know the truth and I know the Lord’s promise “not to harm or hurt me—but to give me hope and a future!” (Jeremiah 29:11) Our God is not an angry or spiteful God. He loves His daughters and He wants to bless you. He desires to reveal Himself to you and pour His goodness out on you. However—He is not a Santa Claus figure. He doesn’t sit up on a throne and simply grant wishes. He orchestrates His will and yearns for your complete heart.

We as women try to manipulate situations. Not because we are conniving or have alternate motives, but because we want to be happy. For instance, lets say you are in the mall and you see a gorgeous man. He is goood looking and you want him to make eye contact with you. So you slide over a few feet so that his eyes will connect with yours. Harmless right? Well what about if you are a little more bold. You walk by him and "accidently" bump into him. Then you turn around, apologize and giggle. INSTANT CONNECTION! Still harmless? It isn't bad-- but you are trying to scheme to get his attention. You are arousing that desire that may not be the Lord's will!

You do this because you are taught, at a very young age, that worth comes from acceptance. Acceptance in school means you make good grades but make it look easy; acceptance from people means you are beautiful—at all times—and try your best to impress people; acceptance in sports means you excel in your talents and use them to gain popularity; acceptance from men means you are wanted by all and are able to pick and choose at your discretion. But these are false. A man does not make you worthy of love. You need not find your complete satisfaction in him because men are human—which ultimately means they will fail you. I am not a feminist woman who is screaming “Women’s rights! Women’s rights!”, I have just given too much of my heart away and personally know the damage and pain it can do to you.

One of my favorite quotes can be found in my mother's bible. It speaks such truth--it says : "My friends may fail me; my family may fail me; my job may fail me, my school may fail me... but MY GOD MAY NEVER FAIL ME!" He is our Beloved. Our Daddy. The one who cares more about us than anyone.

We are an easily distracted species. And Satan knows this. He knows the things to pull us away from Jesus and get distracted. He knows our "hooks". The things that take our eyes away from focusing upward to focusing inward. This can be anything... for Peter it was fear. In Matthew 14 the familiar story of Jesus walking on the water occurs. In this book, however, it tells about how Peter cried out to Jesus (vs. 28) "Lord, if it's you... call me out onto the water!" When Peter's eyes were fixed on Jesus he was fine--he was walking on water! With Jesus we are able to do the impossible. But when he hesitated and listened to Satan's whispering lies ("Aren't you scared? Can you REALLY do this? What if you fail? What if you fall?") he took his eyes off Jesus and turned them onto the ocean. He lost his faith and his security in Jesus and placed it in his own hands. We do this so often. We replace Jesus with things that we think we can control--these things push Jesus aside and distract us from His glory. These things are called idols. It can be a physical thing (boyfriend, clothes, money, movie star/athlete) or it can be an emotional thing (achievement idol, fear idol, relationship idol, approval idol, power idol) which is just as, if not more dangerous. You see, it is so easy for us to get side tracked and lose focus on the PRIZE! The prize is Jesus and so often we settle for a consolation ribbon when we could have the first place trophy. We sell ourselves short to find temporary goodness when eternal greatness is up the road just a little further. Beth Moore says it perfectly… she says:

"If Jesus gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention-deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner."

This means that the Lord uses every single minute of our lives for the refinement of us. He desires us to be flawless and perfect in His image… however, we are so impatient and prideful that we give up or get side tracked. We settle in our friendships, and in our relationships instead of holding out for what God has planned for our lives.

The exciting thing is that it doesn’t have to be this way. God is good—all the time and He loves you so much. We need to find our complete worth in the Lord. I used to HATE when people said “You know… Singleness is such a blessing. I envy you!” I literally wanted to punch people in the face when they would tell me that. I would want to scream, “The ONLY reason you are saying that is because you are not single!” haha However, there is so much truth to that. What a wonderful opportunity we have to serve the Lord during this time. We have no restrictions; no one holding us back. I have an ache in my heart to go to Africa this summer. If I was married it wouldn’t just be MY money paying for it—it would be ours. I wouldn’t be able to just make a decision, pickup my stuff and leave. We would have to discuss it. If I had kids I couldn’t just peace out and go for a few weeks in the summer. But I have this “gift of singleness” to go off and love on little Africans babies, and speak Jesus’ name to people who have never heard of Him, and radiate Christ to all I encounter. Jesus has me here for a reason. Maybe He’s still preparing my future husband, maybe He didn’t plan that for me. I am not really certain. However, what I am certain of is that Jesus is the center of my life and my desire (more than marriage and babies and a family) is bringing glory to Jesus! He is good and He is our one and only. Let Him have control of your life. He will bless you way better than you ever thought possible. He is so precious and is enthralled by you (Psalm 45:10).

Hope you have a Tranquil Tuesday!

Refining

My heart has been burdened lately. So many desires are burning and stirring up inside me. Desires that I cannot fulfill and have to place into the Lord's hands.

-The first cry of my heart is for Africa. For some reason this continent has come to mean so much to me. I have a yearning to serve and love on the people there. I have looked for opportunities to go there this summer but can't seem to find any organization to go with. I know the Lord has specifically told me AFRICA for some reason. Whether that is because I am going to go this summer, or later on in life, He has never the less given me a longing for this people group.

-The next desire I have is for companionship...for the long haul. haha I know I know--I am just like every other girl my age. All their friends are up and getting married and they feel left out and lonely and want to find their own "Prince Charming". However, as much truth there is in those words, that is not my only reasoning. You see--I love serving people. And lately I have ached for a spouse to serve. I don't just mean to make dinner for and clean up after. I mean passionately serve. To be that Proverbs 31 woman who in on my knees for this man daily; who is out in the mission field loving on and caring for God's people alongside him; who is completely content with his unconditional love and willing to submit and follow this man who leads and pastors me all the days of my earthly life. There are two problems however. The first of the two is that the Lord's timeline and mine don't match up. And even though I think I am so ready for this-- the Lord may not. I don't have a boyfriend. I haven't had a date in--well since college. And there is no prospects in sight. Problem number two is that when I do begin to like a man I get so wrapped up in the situation and idea of it all that I make him sooo important. I am not chill. I am not nonchalant. I begin to make him somewhat of an idol. And that is why I think I haven't had this happen yet. I have to learn to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus whether there is a boy in the picture or not. I have to find my complete worth in HIM on the good days and on the bad days... when I am content and when I am lonely... on the mountains and in the valleys. Until then--I don't see this desire becoming fulfilled.

-The third cry of my heart is for my witness. I feel like sometimes it is just a show. I want to be branded with the "good christian" title that my desires become tainted. This brings me to my knees in heartbreak and sickness. This is not of the Lord. The talents the Lord has blessed me with can become a stumbling block if I don't constantly have my guard up against the enemy. He is trying to pull my down and knock me off when I am doing well. This can occur in many situations-- for example... say I am singing and worshipping the Lord and then someone hears me and says "Steph..you sing amazing. You are so good." This in itself is not a sin. It is the pride that sometimes follows that is the sin. This can be better tamed with four little words with a huge, humbling meaning.... "It's not about me!" It's not about me. I need to remember that without the Lord and His love and His blessings I am nothing.

I will try not to get discouraged about this. The fact that I see these now gives me hope. I am constantly being molded and refined by the Lord so I know that He is faithful. He is a good God who has plans to "help and not to harm me--to give me hope and a future" -Jeremiah. 29:11 My Beloved is good and He is ALWAYS with me.

Fun Polar Express Friday

A beautiful reminder...

Thankful.

During this time of the year I like to remember the things that I am truly thankful for. So here is a short list (that doesn't do justice to the blessings I have received) of my thanks....

-My salvation. The Lord, my Beloved, has loved and forgiven a sinner like me. He died on my behalf so that I could spend eternity with Him. Oh for the day when I get to go home!!!!

-My family. I have a father who has shown me what a true man after God's own heart looks like, a mother who is a Proverbs 31 woman and would do anything for anybody, and two beautiful sisters who have become great friends of mine over the past few years. Plus I now get to add ...a wonderful bro-in-law who is awesome!!

-My friends. These girls have been such a blessing to my life. Every single one of them have impacted me and my walk with my Beloved, have encouraged me, challenged me and spurred me on. Without them I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

- My job. I am so incredibly blessed to be working in the school district and in the school that I do. I have an overwhelming amount of support and encouragement from teacher, parents and admin alike. I am given opportunities to better myself which will lead to the betterment of my teaching.

- My house/roommate. I live in a beautiful apartment. I just like to sit and look at it sometimes because it is so fun. I also have the opportunity to live with a great girl who is passionately pursuing the Lord and challenges me often. Her desire for God and AFRICA has helped our friendship flourish and I am so blessed for such a wonderful roomie!

There is obviously so much more but this is just some of the many things I am blessed with! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Do YOU?

I see you. Standing there. You are so confident... sure. It isn't cocky. It isn't annoying. It's attractive. It draws me in. I want to know more. I yearn to be around you. You seem to feel the same way--but sometimes you don't.

Do you? Do you desire to know me? Have I caught YOUR eye? Does your heart flutter when I walk in the room? Do you hope that I come and talk to you? When I smile--does it melt your heart? When our eyes meet--do you get nervous? Am I like all the other girls in your life or do you think of me a bit more? When a text is received do you get a little more excited when you see it's from me? Do you wonder if I would accept or reject you? When you see me worship the Lord does it captivate your heart?? Do you pray about me? Pray for me? And anticipate a time that maybe we will be able to pray together? Does your self-doubt and fear make you think I am too good and would never give you a chance?

because that's how I feel....