Wednesday, July 6, 2016

In All My Sorrows... Jesus is Better, Make My Heart Believe

I sit here physically feeling sick to my stomach. We were told that trouble was coming. Trials and war would come before Jesus did. If you grew up in church- and even if you didn't- you heard about this. The end times would be a dark time filled with corruption, turning from Jesus, and rebellion. It's everywhere you look. There is no place free from this brokenness. My friend, who just lost one of her best friends to cancer this week, texted me and told me she just received a call that one of her sixth grade students committed suicide last night. Sixth grade. 12 years old. I open my Facebook and it is flooded with another murder. Riots and anger spew because of hatred that I can't understand. Not because I don't want to, but because growing up, I have honestly never felt the type of oppression and hate directed at me based on the color of my skin. I turn on the TV and watch as a woman who is trying to win an election, to lead our country, is dismissed from crimes she committed. I sit in horror as I stare at the news and hear/see another terrorist attack that has claimed the lives of more innocent people. I listen to friends cry because the marriage they believed in 'once upon a time', ended so tragically. I listen as they shake when speaking about how suddenly they were alone and having to fend for themselves. I weep with the high school girl that opened up about being assaulted by three guys and then faced to go to school and hear people mock her about it. I listen and hold back sobs as a friend, who wants a baby so terribly, has been told there is no hope for her to conceive naturally. Then I read about an actress that brags and laughs off two abortions in the same year and how thankful she was for having someone "fix her mistakes with the same guy".  I try and speak truth into the high school girl who just wants to be loved and feel worthy so badly, that she does almost anything to receive that... even give herself to someone who isn't concerned about her self worth. I look inside my heart. The heart that is supposed to know and believe truth. The heart that has had gospel goodness and promises spoken into it for over 20 years. The heart that has accepted Jesus into it... I look at that heart and see the sin and loneliness and hurt from broken expectations and fear of man.

We live in a broken world. A world ravaged by sin. When it says "the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)... we need to pay attention to that. I feel like I have almost had a nonchalant view of this verse until lately. It is real. The danger is close by. I sometimes have had such an arrogant mindset of "Oh, I go to church and surround myself with believers and have a pretty good quiet time record and live in Texas (aka the Bible Belt)... I'll be okay!" How small minded I am... to think I live safe from harm, temptation, or hurt. We, especially as believers, have to be alert. Brokenness is closing in, and honestly, will be here a lot quicker than we think. We need to be prayerful. We need to be aware. We need to reflect Jesus. I sat this morning for a few hours and wrote out how I was feeling with the way the world is... This is the poem or spoken word I came up with. It isn't perfect or well written at all probably... but, it is how the world is.

Sitting alone, on my couch, it's just me
As I watch another tragedy come through my TV
An attack with a bomb, another man shot
A suicide, abortion, or child bullied and mocked

What will come next?
I'm scared to even ask...
Another person hiding at a church
in SWAT gear and a mask?

The videos give glimpses into worlds we do not know
of terrorist activity and skies filled with smoke
The fear on their faces and brokenhearted cries
Haunt me as I wearily lay my head down at night

Everything is offensive now
"We must be politically correct"
"You can't disagree with how I live
You don't get to disrespect."

"Christians are closed minded...", you repeat in my ear.
"I'm called to love you," I whisper back, "I wish that you would hear."
"I love you wholly, because He loves me, not based on what you say or do.
I love you, because I am called to love, I love you for being YOU."

This world is segregated and getting worse each day... but not by continent or space.
We are pulling away from being unified... based on stereotypes, religion, and race.
"She's white so she is privileged, he's black so he is mad,
they're Muslim so they can't be trusted, they're Mexican and want what they can't have."

It breaks my heart to see the world like this... brothers and sisters in strife.
Getting caught up in ugly disputes, and disregarding the sanctity of life.

Babies are having babies... daddies are no where to be found,
Children grow up looking for love, but no one is around.
So they look for things to satisfy the longing in their lives,
and turn to things like sex and drugs and believe truth in the enemies' lies.

This world is falling apart, and getting worse every day,
but the reason didn't just creep up randomly when things were going astray.
This orchestrator of evil, the Prince of Darkness and Hate,
planned all of this, years ago, before a single piece of fruit was ate.

So this isn't about race-- white verses black-- or even about restrooms or rape cases.
The price for these sins have been previously bought and the payment was a man named, Jesus.
The outcome of this progressive war, it's already been done.
We know the ending of this story... of who comes out Number One.
Our Victor has promised to come back... He will return to us, and then,
All the pain and suffering, for those who know Jesus, will come to an end.

He will defeat this deceiver... and truth will come to light,
The wrath of all that is meant for him will come down with power and might.
So run to our Father, the one who is Good, and formed your perfect frame...
Because, His love for you is the best you can receive and He knows us each by name.