Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Trust Me.

What a terrifying command that is. Trust Me. "You mean You want me to let go of EVERYTHING?" Trust Me. "But what if it doesn't work out?" Trust Me. "I am only a teacher, God, I don't make a lot of money." Trust....Me.

I am about to move out in about a month. My roommate Lauren is marrying her best friend... so I am getting the boot. haha I am excited for her. I am thrilled she has found the one her heart desires to live life with and further the Kingdom with. I know that Mark makes Lauren happier than anyone else could. But... I have to move out. haha I have only lived with a handful of people and Lauren is the one roommate I have lived with the longest. We met at a bible study me and a friend started and it kinda just went from there. I tell people that because we didn't really know each other, and weren't good friends before, that's why it worked so well. There were no expectations. There were no requirements. She had her life. I had my life. We shared a dwelling and bills. But I didn't go in looking for deep, lifelong friendship. However, that is what I am leaving with.

We went from not knowing each other to being inseparable. You knew if Stephanie was there, Lauren would be too (and vice-versa). We began to realize that we were so alike in so many ways. Yes, we have had our rough patches (and when they were rough... they were rough). But, we lived life together. We grew in Christ together. We saw each other in rough times, heartbreak, death, loss of jobs, diagnoses. But we were also pivotal in the good times that came into each other's lives. We went on mission together; traveling to Uganda and Kenya, Africa, and loved on orphans, widows and the "least of these".

I was there when Mark E. Cohoon literally walked into her life. I was there when the flirtation began. I helped her get ready for their first date, let him use my key to get in and decorate her room for Valentine's, cried when he called me and told me he was meeting with her dad and planning to propose, sat and talked and searched for hours helping him find the perfect ring, planned and schemed on how he should propose and how to get her out of the house and now watch as she is planning the most important day of her life.

I have not been the best friend or roommate. I am selfish. I am stubborn. I am messy (both spiritually and physically... I AM an "artist" haha right Lauren?). I have let past hurts and insecurities prevent me from being vulnerable and opening up or intentionally investing whole heartedly at some points. I, in return, have hurt her. But I am thankful for grace. Grace, that because of Jesus, she has given me. Grace that the Lord has given both of us.

I don't like change. I don't like not being in control. I don't like feeling alone or uncertain. But all of these things are about to happen. And it's for the good. It will cause be to grow up a bit. I will have to learn to rely on Jesus more, instead of myself. I will need to become more intentional and outgoing. I will have to invest and invest well in friendships if I want them. I will have to TRUST. Trust that Jesus is better.... which He is. Trust that Jesus is in control... which He is. Trust that if all else fails and I am poor that Jesus will be completely sufficient for me... which He will.

One of my favorite songs right now is by Aaron Keys called "Trust You, Jesus"... which is completely fitting for this season of my life. The lyrics go:

"Father of Heavenly Lights... Fount of wisdom and love. All is laid bare in Your sight... You know my ways. I believe You will provide... all I need in my life. And I will not fear anymore... for I will ever... Trust You, Jesus. Trust You, Jesus. Trust You with my life.

You hold the world in Your hands... God of mercy and life. Knew me before I was born... called me by name. How could I ever respond... but to fall and adore. I live to know you more... Lord I will ever... Trust You, Jesus. Trust You, Jesus. Trust You with my life.

Let not the wise.... trust in their wisdom. Let not the strong... boast in their might. Let not the rich... glory in riches. I will trust You. Let not the wise.... trust in their wisdom. Let not the strong... boast in their might. Let not the rich... glory in riches. I will ever...

Trust You, Jesus. Trust You, Jesus. Trust You with my life."

Here is the video on YouTube to watch and hear it...

So I don't know what this next season of my life will look like. It is scary and exciting. It is unseen and yet planned out already. So all I can do right now is humbly fall on my knees, with my eyes facing upwards and cry out I will "Trust You, Jesus. Trust You, Jesus. Trust You with my life..."

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