Sunday, July 7, 2013

My Heart's Story

This time last week I had just gotten home from Kenya. This week has been a whirlwind of things to do, family activities, hanging out with friends, fireworks and parties and scary surgeries for my papa. I literally haven't stopped all week. While seeing friend after friend I have had the question, "So how was Africa?" I find myself saying "It was really good."but then nothing else. I have gotten the same look over and over and it kills me to see this look come across my loved ones faces.... disappointment. They want deep conversation to follow. They want to hear about the ones I loved, the adventures I experienced, the way the Lord revealed Himself to me and the miracles of His power. But I stop. Not because He didn't show up.... He did! He was so incredibly evident. Not because I got nothing out of the trip... because I did. My life has been forever changed by these people and my love for them (and their loved that was reciprocated to me).

The things I have seen and heard are hard for me to put into words right now. I fell in love with these babies. My heart will never be the same and part of it will always be in Kenya. Those two weeks were so amazing and fulfilling and beautiful. So why can't I tell people what I saw? Why can't His story come out in verbal form and spur people on for His kingdom? I don't know... Maybe I haven't fully dealt with being back yet. Maybe I have been so busy I haven't allowed myself to decompress and comprehend what has happened. I saw and experienced so much during my time there and it is quite overwhelming for me to try and verbalize everything that occurred. Or maybe I just have to figure out and pray about what I need to share. I know that I was called to Africa and that the Lord has placed this love for people, and especially children/orphans, in my heart to love on them and share about my love for them. I completely believe that this is a huge part of my "life story" and that it will continue to build and grow as I age. I don't think this was my last trip to Africa and I know that I was chosen to do some major work for the Kingdom. So I will pray for the words to say (something I have never done before). I will ask the Lord to show me what I need to say and how I need to say it. I will ask for clarity and for smoothness in speech. And most importantly, I will ask that the Lord uses me as His voicebox and that nothing that comes out of my mouth is apart from Christ. That He is reflected in everything I say and that the people that hear about this experience will be forever changed by the love of our Father.

I love Africa.... I love Kenya... I love Nakuru... I love Fiwagoh. Our Beloved knew this and wired me to fall in love with precious babies half way around the world. He orchestrated me to develop this desire to care for them and pour into them. He yearned for me to love them hard-- to the point that I feel completely empty and broken when it is time to leave. But that same God has also reminded me that He is my loving kindness, my heartbreak healer, my comforter, my romancer and my strength. So when I am weak, I count it as beautiful... because that allows Him to reveal His might and power. Selah.

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