Monday, April 4, 2011

When one door closes...

I am going to take a break from my 100 things and write about something that my heart is learning right now. I am stubborn. If you know me... you probably know this to be true. Another word for stubborn is PRIDEFUL! Ouch... I am not a fan of that word. Prideful is an ugly word that no one likes to be called. But thats what I am.

A few weeks ago in church we learned that we so often pray "Bless me, Bless me, Bless me..." When in reality we should be praying, "CRUSH me, BRUISE me, BREAK me..." Can I get another "ouch" on that one? Why on earth would we want to pray to be crushed and bruised and broken? I struggled with this for awhile because I don't like pain and discomfort-- I like nice, comfortable and pleasant situations! But I came to realize a few things that I am going to let you in on...

FIRST... when we are broken and bruised and crushed we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. This means that we have no other hope except in Jesus. He is the author of our lives and when we have that brokenness then we will stop reaching to snatch the pen away from Him and allow Him to write out His will for our lives. We should be humbled to "let go and let God". That is hard for me... along with my pride issues I have control issues (which is a pride issue as well). Its hard for me to let go and give it all to the Lord. But when I don't that is like me saying "I don't think you can handle it", or "I don't like your plans". It is arrogant and ridiculous. Because Jesus, the creator or all things good and perfect, is the best one to orchestrate the everything!

SECOND... being the stubborn gal that I am I don't give up easily. If I get my mind on something then I am unable to stop thinking about it or wanting it. This can be anything from a car, to a boy, to a job.... anything. Here is the great/hard part though-- sometimes MY plan and will for my life is not JESUS'S plan and will for my life. So He may take gently tug at me and whisper softly... "Steph, I have something so much better for you baby girl. Let go of this and you will get something else. Give me these dime store pearls and I will give you genuine ones!" And sometimes he has to slam the door in my face, and say "Stephanie Marie Daniell... this is NOT for you young lady. You are NOT going to get this because it would NOT be beneficial for you.!" However, in both situations He usually is showing me grace and getting those out of my life because on my own there is no way I would have been able/would want to get rid of those things.

There is a thing called "loving violence" that I experience a lot! My pastor Rodney put it perfectly... Let's say you went to a doctor and they said "You have cancer. It's bad-- BUT if you take this one little pill then it will go away and you'd be fine." What would you do? You may take it... or you may say, "This isn't the best for me. That is poison. That is harmful and deadly and gross and I won't do it." And with that, you ran away. That is your choice. But what if it was your child that was diagnosed and given the pill. If they ran away what would you do? You probably wouldn't say, "crazy kid--oh well. It's her body you know!" You would run after her and do whatever you could to get that pill down her throat. Pry her mouth open-- break a few teeth to have an opening--whatever was necessary right? That is the "loving violence" I am talking about. Because even though you don't want to hurt the child you love more than anything., if it meant saving their lives you would put them though some discomfort to protect them. That's how the Lord is. He doesn't desire us, His creatures, to be in pain. However, He loves us so abundantly that He would rather us be in uncomfortable, painful and sometimes miserable situations so that down the road there will be growth and goodness that comes from it! He is so wise.... I fall on my face in awe of HIM!

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