That is a difficult truth to understand and see clearly. You are working in our waiting...You're sanctifying us. Working in our waiting. Waiting. Wait. I feel like that word has been saturating my life for the past 4 years since I graduated college. I have been in this season of waiting. Waiting... to see if I get a job. Waiting... to move out of my parents house. Waiting... to change the world through the eyes of my students. Waiting.... to leave the country and go to an unknown continent. Waiting.... to return back to that continent and see the ones I love so dearly. Waiting... to be pursued. Waiting... to be loved fully by a man. Waiting.... to be a wife. A mother. Working in our waiting. Waiting. Wait.
The word hits me like a ton of bricks. I have been told by my friends, family, teachers, pastors, homegroup leaders and books upon books to be still before the Lord and wait PATIENTLY! They told me "keep seeking Jesus and when you are completely satisfied with Him and when you least expect it... He will bring your husband to you!" I am ashamed to say I believed and fell into this idea. Like God was a teacher giving out tickets (this is how I reward for good behavior so bear with me)... He was looking for the student that was quietly working, that listened every time He tried to get our attention and that if someone was in need of help-- like if they dropped their crayons or needed help tying their shoes-- that you were willing to help and were the first one at their side. However... like my students, I need to be reminded that I am doing this because this is what we are called to do... not because I expect a reward for my efforts. I have to have a deep and inward shift of my heart so that my actions are not "so Jesus will see me living for Him and hear the desires of my heart"... but rather "so Jesus will see me living for Him and because I am so enthralled with Him and humbled by the fact that He has chosen to love and pursue me, that my heart is aligned with the desires of His heart and that I love His people because that is what He has called me to do!"
I want to live life and live it abundantly. I want to live everyday to the fullest. I want to be spent every night because I gave everything I had sharing Jesus, loving people well and being a reflection of our Savior. I don't want to be known as a woman who is sitting around waiting for someone or something. I want to be known as a woman who is helplessly, hopelessly, fully and completely in love with the Ultimate Romancer. I want people to see me and say "WOW... that girl loves her some Jesus!" I want the joy in my heart to be seen in my actions. Through my words. On my face.
Thank you Lord for loving me so much that You continue to sanctify me through my waiting.