Thursday, August 11, 2011

One Month Down.

Exactly one month ago I arrived back in the States after being in Africa for 2 weeks. I feel so many different emotions going on right now. There is sadness because of the horrible conditions I left these babies in. There is emptiness due to the longing I have to hold these children again. There is confusion that I have when I think "why am I so blessed to live in good conditions and they are not?" I was going through my Africa journal and this is what I wrote on my flight home...

July 11th

"We are on our 9th and final plane ride home. We are about an hour away from Dallas and I am anxious to get home. I have mixed emotions... as one would when their heart is on two different continents. Lord, this has been two of the most difficult weeks of my life (and I am not exaggerating saying that). Father, I didn't doubt but you showed up in so many huge and evident ways to not only me and my team, but to the orphans, the pastors, the workers and the people of Uganda and Kenya as well. Some of those times we saw/felt you were: -- T-Shirts at 2nd prison, -Police stop late at night, -Eldoret hotel situation, -Gas station late at night, -Catching planes to Kenya and to Ethiopia, -Visas (enough money to get them after they went up overnight) to get into Kenya. God I know there were so many other times I didn't mention but those were ones that stood out to instantaneous answers to our prayers. Thank you for loving me so much that you chose not to only use me as a tool on his trip, but that you would also give me an opportunity to draw closer to You and have a clearer vision of You and Your Kingdom. By simply revealing Yourself clearly to me, I have this new and heightened sense of love and desire for You. Let me not lose that vision and focus. Allow me to use this experience to not exalt myself, but to exalt You! God let these stories and pictures point to Your love and grace! As I go back let me remember how to rely on You even though situations aren't always going to be as uncomfortable as what I have experienced here. Don't let my focus turn to guys or other insignificant things. Let my heart be surrounded with things not of this world. Let me RADIATE you when I return. My heart will yearn and hurt for these babies I left in Africa, however, let me not be burdened by their circumstances, but by their salvation. It doesn't matter where they live now if they don't know You and won't live eternally with You. It doesn't only need to be a concern on how they're being fed physically but spiritually as well. Burden me to be on my face that ALL of these babies' needs (physical, emotional and spiritual) are being met. God let me never, ever forget everything You have taught/showed me and Your incredible Universal Love!"

2 weeks of being in Africa. 15 days of loving on people who don't know what it looks like. 342 hours spent thinking about someone other than myself. 20,520 minutes of being outside my comfort zone. And 1,231,200 seconds of being led and completely relying on the Lord.

Gosh that puts my entire life in perspective. Just think if that happened more often what kind of impact we could have on these people groups and the world.

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