Brokenness Made Whole

Becoming a Woman of Prayer. I always thought that I was where I needed to be in my prayer life until recently. I have been very convicted lately about this area of my walk--or lack there of. When I think about how rich the Word is reguarding prayer I think of a few key verses...

"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5-7

"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears." -Psalm 18:6

"If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." -Matthew 21:22

But after meditating on such verses I think about how often I do this... Is my gentleness evident to all? Am I free from anxiousness? In my distress do I CRY out to the Lord (first)? Do I believe I will receive whatever I ask for in prayer? And the reoccurring answer for each question is... NO!

This morning I read about Hannah in 1 Samuel. Hannah was barren and yearned for a child. Unlike me, she did praise God despite her pain. Unlike me, she continued to pray the same prayer believing that the Lord would hear her cries and answer her. Unlike me, she did find comfort completely in the Lord and His presence in he life. She didn't allow certain circumstances to determine whether she approached the throne or not. She was seeking God in the good times and in the bad times... in the times of strength and in the times of weakness.... in her joy and in her bitterness. Instead of getting mad or complaining about the hand she was dealt, she took it before the Lord. And in verse 18 it tells us what happened..."Her face was no longer downcast!" Simply by taking her troubles to her Father, her misery was released from her. Now this doesn't always happen. Sometimes the Lord allows us to go through these difficult situations and uses them to teach us perseverance (James 1:2-5) and how to draw closer to Him.

In my study today it said "What do you typically do when faced with difficulties? Take them to God or complain to friends, get angry or upset, say things you shouldn't, etc." Dang. I felt convicted with that one. A situation that occurred just a few weeks ago came to my mind. I heard something that really hurt my feelings. I felt embarrassed, rejected, angry and sad. And instead of going to the Father with my hurt and disappointment I let that person know EXACTLY what I was thinking. It was immature and hurtful to him. It was not prayerfully considered. It was not edifying to him. It did not build him up, encourage him and it was disresepctful. It was directly said to make him feel as bad as I did-- and it worked. And I felt like crud afterwards. I didn't want to hurt him-- but I listened to Satan whispering "an eye for an eye..." in my ear instead of Jesus saying "come to me and I will give you peace". Thankfully, I swallowed my pride and was forgiven. But if I were to just automatically think to go to the Lord in prayer in every situation first then I would have never been in that position.

Unfortunately I don't think I truly believe that praying will help. I mean I constantly communicate with the Lord but I think sometimes I half heartily do it and don't fully believe in His power. I love Him so much and I know that He has my best interest at heart--so why don't I run to Him with my trials? Why don't I sprint to His side, crawl up in His lap and pour out my feelings? Why don't I take my heart ache or confusion to the author of my love story instead of complaining to my friends? I desire to be a woman of prayer. I yearn to be a Proverbs 31 woman who RADIATES Him in all situations... one that shows gentleness, isn't anxious and cries out to the Lord!

It is a process and I am so blessed that the Lord hasn't given up on me yet....

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" -Isaiah 6:8

It is 5:26 on a summer Friday morning... and I am awake. Not only awake-- but awake with thousands of things swimming through my head. Summer is a teacher's friend. This is the first day that I DO NOT HAVE to be awake by 5:30 (or even 10 for that case) and can actually sleep in. But as you can see-- that isn't happening.

The Lord has been so sweet to me lately and has allowed me to be pursued by Him in multiple ways. However, His ways and my ways don't always match up and His timing and my timing NEVER match up. So this has been a beautiful, yet humbling time in my life.

I leave for Uganda, Africa in 15 days...wow. It has been such a long journey to get here. I remember beginning to feel a stir in my heart for Africa. I remember the day I felt compelled to begin painting and the end product was a piece that sits catty cornered in my room that reads PRAY FOR AFRICA with a huge picture of that lovely continent in the middle! I remember the process of supporting a child through World Vision but realizing that the pull I had towards this people group went deeper. I remember looking at trips, organizations, opportunities....anything and everything to get me over there. Prices were high. Trips were not what I desired (as a teacher I felt drawn to work with and love on orphans). Dates were inconvenient. Nothing seemed to work... so I thought I had misread the Lord's will. I must have heard His calling for me incorrectly because everything fell through and nothing worked out. But just like the Lord...when I completely gave it over to Him and convinced myself it must just be later on in life that I would get that opportunity... He provided. My roommate worked with a lady whose sister had just returned from Africa on a short term mission trip working with orphans. She went through an organization called Visiting Orphans, whose main goal was to love on these babies and share Jesus with them. Sold.

From then on the process has been absolutely unreal. The Lord blessed me with a love for painting (which if you remember started this desire) and He allowed me to paint my way to Africa as well. I have painted and painted and PAINTED... I have sold my canvases to friends, family members, at auctions, to teachers and even to some of my student's parents. My paintings have allowed me to share my story, and where I am going, and the Lord has received glory in all of it! And as of yesterday that painting has paid off and my trip cost is completely covered! Gosh the Lord is just so magnificent and yet so intricate in the way He pays attention to every small detail.

During the process the Lord has also allowed alot of needed sifting to occur in my life! Things that were needing to get pulled out of my life for my ultimate refinement were taken from me-- no matter how much it hurt tearing them from my hands. My sweet Beloved has allowed insecurities to be destroyed, desires to be met and some situations to be dealt with. In this time of the Lord pushing GO there is also alot of NO...and even harder... WAIT! I know that my Daddy has my absolute best interest at hand. Sometimes--scratch that--the majority of the time I am so self absorbed that I miss that and play the victim of "woe is me. woe is me". But lately I have seen the fruit of passionately pursuing our ultimate pursuer and the goodness He can do with a messy sinner like myself!

We often hear... God is good, all the time. Followed by... All the time, God is good! For the first time in my life, I think I am truly begin to understand and whole heartily believe it. And THAT is exciting!

100 Things: Part Ten

91. A Gift From the Heart

This is probably my favorite gift EVER to date. I have a student in my classroom who goes to my church. His dad has made two trips to Africa the last few months working with unreached people groups and has talked to me about my trip a few times! My little boy brought in this sculpture for Teacher Appreciation Week. It is a wooden sculpture of a teacher and students. I began to cry when I received this and my kiddos looked at me as if I was crazy! However-- this is the most special thing I have ever gotten!

92. The Daniells and Springers

I love these guys and girl like they are my own flesh and blood! These are my brothers and sisters! Such a great relationship all of us have!

93. Dress Up Days

Who doesn't like dressing up silly?

94. Floppy Hats

I just wish I had more places to wear these fun things!

95. Chick Flicks

If it grabs my heart, makes me cry or puts me into a depression about being single and wanting to find MY prince charming.... I've probably seen it and love it!

96. Kolaches

Breakfast is my favorite meal! You can have that food all times of the day! One of my fave breakfast foods are kolaches! There is a place out in West, Texas (by Waco) that has a Czech Kolache Shop. Everytime we go down to Waco or past West, we have to stop and get some goodies!

97. Uniball Pens

These make your writing look nice and neat!

98. Flip Flops

I love flip flops... you get to show off cute painted toes and it means summer is here!

99. Super Stay 24 Color Lipstick

Ok so I know this is a ridiculous picture but I wanted to draw attention to my lips! This new Maybelline lipstick is called Super Stay 24 Color. I put this lipstick on at 6 am and it is still on and bright! I am a skeptic on most things but I am sold on this product!

100. The End

Being done having to think of my favorite things!! This is Stephanie signing off-- over and out!

100 Things: Part Nine

81. Glee MUSIC

I don't like everything the show says or stands for-- but I love their singing and music!

82. Teacher Work Days

Teacher work days-- because I can work in my room and get stuff done (or not like-- like THIS is what I am doing in my inservice day right now)!

83. Gift Cards

Its basically like free money to use on whatever you want-- sooo fun!

84. Crosses

Crosses are everywhere in my house. They are not only art but a beautiful reminder or why I live set apart everyday!

85. Ace of Cakes

This is a hilarious show and they make some awesome stuff!

86. Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

Ohh shoot dang-- that is good!

87. Hand Santizer

I work with nasty nose pickers all day-- what do you expect?

88. Extreme Weather

I have always been so interested with weather-- especially tornadoes. After the tragic events with the tornado that hit Tuscaloosa, it has shown me through the pics my friends that live there have put up, just how powerful these things are!

89. Justin Bieber

Yes...I understand I am 25, but I hang out with 6 and 7 year olds all day PLUS I think he is just so precious and I really like his voice... so back off! haha

90. Hot Chocolate

Hot chocolate is perfect in the winter!

100 Things: Part Eight

71. Lindsay Leigh Springer Rose

This girl has been my best friend since she came into the world a week after I was born. She has seen me at my best and my worst and has supported and loved me through it all! So blessed by her!

72. Hillsong

Whether worshipping in concert, at church or in my room at home--I LOVE HILLSONG! They are saturated in Jesus' love and want to pour it out for everyone to experience!

73. Jeans

Nothing's better than a good fitting pair of jeans!

74. SURPRISES

Making people feel special is one of my favorite things to do! I enjoy setting up surprise parties or dinners to bring attention to someone's special day or achievements! Try to make someone feel important today and see if it doesn't make you feel better!

75. Airplanes

The first time I went on an airplane I was 21 and headed to Costa Rica. Since then, I have only been 2 other times: once was to go to a friend's wedding in West Texas and one time was to go on a mission trip to Hawaii. I will be taking my fourth voyage on this flying device in exactly two months from today when I head to Africa! That means that three out of the four times I have been on a plane will be because of missions!

76. Mexican Food

Mexican food is so good. You can't live in Texas and not like Mexican food! It is the perfect place to go grab some good grubbin, a cold drink and just get to talking! Love it!

77. My New iphone

I just got an iphone and it is dangerously fun! I love having anything I need at my fingertips!

72. Hillsong

When you're a teacher you understand how helpful these things are. Yesterday after school my roommate and I both feel asleep from about 5-7. When you hang out with kiddos all day long you get exhausted!!

79. Words of Encouragement

Girls love encouragement! I am a words of affirmation person so things like this make my day amazing!

80. Beth Moore

Do you want to know what a woman after God's own heart looks like? What a true modern day Proverbs 31 is? Then look at Beth Moore! She is a woman who fears the Lord and loves Him whole heartedly. She also desires for each and every one of us to know Him like she does. She is legit!

100 Things: Part Seven

61. My First 5K

I recently ran my first 5K. It was the David Milson Legacy Run. I hate running but I did it for the man who touched so many lives through his love for people and the Lord. I may try to actually train for and attempt to do well in one! We'll see.... PS: I love how joyful and happy Jennifer and I look in this picture. That's because we had only been running about 30 seconds! haha

62. Headbands

These have become a fun new accessory that I enjoy wearing. They bring a little funk to my style... I am beginning to make and collect them for all different outfits!

63. Sponsoring a Child

I sponsor a precious little boy from Lesotho, Africa. His name is Nkuyane and he has captured my heart. If you feel the Lord leading you to sponsor a precious child who has next to nothing please go visit World Vision and lend your support! It is completely worth it! http://www.worldvision.org

63. Channing Tatum

There are no words to describe this beauty... but I'll try. He is gorgeous.

64. Dancing

I love dancing. It started out getting pumped up for basketball, then it was the activity in college and now I dance around the classroom with 1st graders to get our wiggles out. Dancing is so fun for me and I get excited when I know I will be at a wedding or event where it is encouraged!

65. Chocolate and Birthdays

Ok so I love birthday and chocolate and this one is kinda random just because I saw this amazing cake and had to add it! This eleven year old was in heaven when she saw this I am sure!

66. Texts

Getting texts that are encouraging are always fun to receive... especially if its from someone special!!

67. Movie Dates with YOURSELF

A new thing I have realized I enjoy is going to the movies by myself! If you don't have a date-- take yourself out on one. No one will talk to you in the middle of the flick, try to hold your hand if you don't want them to or steal your snack. It truly is beneficial! haha

68. Swedish Fish

Mmmmm.... so good and 0 grams of fat! Yummy!

69. Colorful Sharpies

The bright colors just make me want to draw or design something!

70. Sunglasses

I kinda hit that on accessories but I love sunglasses. The bigger the better. My favorite pair were given to me from a grandma. So they were literally old people sunglasses that I thought were just so chic!

100 Things: Part Six

51. My First Class

My classes will all mean so much to me. Every year they will be different and unique and give me something I need to learn from. However, I will always hold a special place in my heart for my first class!

52. N'SYNC

Oh be still my heart. These boys were my first loves... especially Justin! That platinum blonde hair just threw me into a frenzy!

53. Blogging

I've always been a journaler but blogging is a new way to get out what I am going through or want to get off my chest! I have only been doing it for a few months but so far I love it!

54. Angel

My puppy Angel is the best dog ever. She is 14 years old and still kickin'! She has gone through so much--she has been attacked by a coyote, has had numerous strokes and illnesses and now she has a cancerous tumor. She is such a fighter and I will be so upset the one day she can't hold on any longer! :(

55. Super Summer

I never experienced Super Summer until two years ago. It is an amazing christian leadership camp that helps mold men and women for Christ! This kid below is one of my FAVORITE Super Summer campers. His name is Jared Josefy and when I have a son I want him to grow up and be just like JJ!

56. Samoas Girl Scout Cookies

These babies are dangerous.... best.cookies.ever.

57. My Team

I have been so incredibly blessed by my amazing team!

58. The Texas Rangers

I have always been a Rangers fan... since I was a little girl, summers meant going to watch Texas play at the Ballpark in Arlington! After last year, everything got a little more exciting when the Rangers made it to the World Series! This year we are going to repeat that trip and WIN IT ALL!

59. Sprinkles Cupcakes

These cupcakes are banging and they are so good. I don't have them often but when I do it is magical!

60. PINK

I love this color! It is just so fun and girly!