"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."
It is crazy how you can hear a verse over and over throughout your life, but then when you hear at a time you REALLY need it, it washes over you with a newness and comfort that you have never felt before. In one week (and three days) I will be leaving for Africa for my third time. I remember the first time I even looked into trips. I remember thinking "Can I just go to Africa? I am a poor, middle class, Texas teacher… I can't just pick up and go to Africa, can I?" But the Lord showed me that I could. And little did I know that all those years ago when He was showing me what trust and faith looked like that He would be preparing me for this day 3 years later.
I have always grown up in church and was shown what it looked like to trust and have faith in the Lord. I must admit, there are many times where my words and the posture of my heart didn't (and still don't) match up. I know what to say. I know how to act. I know what the "good Christian response" would be. Yes, I fully believe in the Lord. Yes, I completely trust in His promises and will for my life. Yes, I whole heartedly would lay everything down at His feet and follow Him wherever He called me. However, this trip has called for more than I have usually had to sacrifice….
This trip my comfort has been challenged. My faith has been challenged. And even my initial peace was challenged. You see, I am ALWAYS attacked before I leave for Africa. I fully believe that Satan tries to trip me up and cause me to stumble, doubt and worry. My first trip it was the fear of unknown. People around me were nervous and that in turn caused a lot of anxiousness in me. Next, it was financial and I didn't receive my money until the very end. This time he struck me with fear. Worry. Safety issues. The what-ifs consumed my thoughts and I was almost paralyzed with anxiety. Thankfully our God is a good, sovereign God that promises me that He will "never leave me or forsake me." And He hasn't. I have had to be on my knees… on my face…. completely abandoned to His will and He has comforted and tended to my heart in a way that He doesn't have to.
He has taken the worry that I was consumed with away and has replaced it with a beautiful peace that surpasses all understanding on my part. He has shown me sweet glimpses of my purpose and what He needs for me to do. He needs for me to love. He needs for me to trust. He needs for me to unclench the things that scare me… having my family worry, the unknown, what life looks like when I get back… and allow Him to be in control. I have had to trust more than I have ever trusted before and because of that there is a freedom in my spirit that cannot be explained. There is a realization that the "trust" I have had for years… was just a surface level circumstance. This is causing deep, uninhibited faith in the Lord.
So now Satan is moving on to something else… my head feels like it is going to explode, I cannot breath out of my nose and my ears are so stopped up I feel unbalanced. But I will combat this with truth and prayer and scripture like I have done before and Jesus will prevail. Because here is the good news… we win. Good trumps evil. Satan loses. God-infinity: Satan zero. So I may be uncomfortable for a small period of time but all of it will be worth it when I stand before our faultless, glorious, perfect Savior and hear Him say, "Stephanie…. well done my good and faithful servant. In you, I am pleased." Selah.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Stephanie means 'Mama"
I am a single woman. I have never been married. I have never had children. So to the world…. I am not a mother. In a society where being a wife and a mother is something that is desired, my heart hurts often that I am without these things. I know, I know…. I am only 28 and that's hardly the age to start signing up for AARP. However, when the majority of your friends are married and/or also have multiple children it's hard to feel that way.
Since I was a little girl I have been a hopeless romantic! I grew watching the beautiful Disney Princesses fall in love with their handsome princes. I watched my dad love my mom well. I was exposed to love and marriage and children and had a beautiful view of what it was and what it is supposed to look like. So, you must understand, I am not some whiny single white female that just wants to find her man and have babies running around my house because that's what you do when you turn 25. I desire to have a husband that will love and lead me well, who will point me to Jesus and who I can do more for the Kingdom with than without. I would love to have children. Little blessings that I would get to pour into, encourage, love on, teach them about Jesus and show them the importance of loving others so that Jesus will radiate out of them.
I am also a teacher. A first grade teacher. So the questions and things I hear daily are hilariously honest. "Do you have a husband?" "Why don't you have a husband?" "Do you have kids of your own?" "Why don't you have kids of your own?" Along with the endless supply of personal questions I get called mom accidentally… a lot! I love when they do it because it completely shocks and surprises them and everyone around them. I, personally, love it. But after every, "Momma??" there is a, "Ahhh… I mean Miss Daniell??" They realize they have called me by the wrong name. That I am, in fact, not their momma and that they shouldn't call me that.
Well, being used to this I remember the first time I was called "Mama" in Africa. I waited for the awkwardness. The giggle. The correction. But it never came. It actually continued. I asked one of the older kids, Nash, about this. I said… "so, why do you call me "Mama"? Is that a respect thing? Or what do you mean when you say that?" I will never forget his answer. It was short and sweet and to the point. He said, "because to me…Stephanie means 'mama'. Well, as you can imagine (if you know me at all) I immediately began to cry. To Nash, and to some others, I was 'mama'. Not accidentally. Not wishfully. I just was. Nash gave me a little book he made this past summer called, "Mama Stephanie". The words he so poetically wrote cut deep down into my heart. I may not ever get married. I may not ever have biological children. But the Lord loves me despite all those things. And if that is not for me, He will change the desires and yearnings of my heart. But there is one thing I know my Beloved will allow me to be… and that is called 'Mama'.
Mama Stephanie
By: Nahashon
I call you Steph Mama for so many reasons.
You may never know of what value you are to my life.
But God has a reward for you.
When I first met you, I didn't know that I'd call you mum.
But God had it all laid in plan.
Our best time together was the quiet time with Jesus.
Above all I enjoyed to see you sit and have a ear to hear
Jesus say something to you.
Your hearty co-operation and hard work in everything
made an impression on what I should do to others.
You're ready heart to share.
Even at school with all our teachers through your teaching experience.
Though small it may seem-- thank you for being ready to share.
For our little ones at Fiwagoh… you are mum.
Playing and loving around to the least of these before lonely ones.
This did teach me a great lesson.
Help at work, even during pizza night.
No matter how small it was, you taught me
what it looks like to help, mum.
Your courage to me in leaving your country for a strange one.
Trusting fully that God will guide your way
is a story to tell.
Your smile was a sunshine.
I felt someone who cares for me was by me.
I know others felt it; including Daniel.
All your hugs.
You took away loneliness of many.
Thank you for sharing Jesus' love to us.
Your letters… what an encouragement.
I know I am a weak human and failing mortal.
You pray for me not to fail. Thank you mum for doing that.
To me your tears left a stain on my face.
Every time I think about it, I don't want to.
But most gloriously to see you again is what I
look forward to.
Praying for you.
Treasuring you mum.
I love you.
Since I was a little girl I have been a hopeless romantic! I grew watching the beautiful Disney Princesses fall in love with their handsome princes. I watched my dad love my mom well. I was exposed to love and marriage and children and had a beautiful view of what it was and what it is supposed to look like. So, you must understand, I am not some whiny single white female that just wants to find her man and have babies running around my house because that's what you do when you turn 25. I desire to have a husband that will love and lead me well, who will point me to Jesus and who I can do more for the Kingdom with than without. I would love to have children. Little blessings that I would get to pour into, encourage, love on, teach them about Jesus and show them the importance of loving others so that Jesus will radiate out of them.
I am also a teacher. A first grade teacher. So the questions and things I hear daily are hilariously honest. "Do you have a husband?" "Why don't you have a husband?" "Do you have kids of your own?" "Why don't you have kids of your own?" Along with the endless supply of personal questions I get called mom accidentally… a lot! I love when they do it because it completely shocks and surprises them and everyone around them. I, personally, love it. But after every, "Momma??" there is a, "Ahhh… I mean Miss Daniell??" They realize they have called me by the wrong name. That I am, in fact, not their momma and that they shouldn't call me that.
Well, being used to this I remember the first time I was called "Mama" in Africa. I waited for the awkwardness. The giggle. The correction. But it never came. It actually continued. I asked one of the older kids, Nash, about this. I said… "so, why do you call me "Mama"? Is that a respect thing? Or what do you mean when you say that?" I will never forget his answer. It was short and sweet and to the point. He said, "because to me…Stephanie means 'mama'. Well, as you can imagine (if you know me at all) I immediately began to cry. To Nash, and to some others, I was 'mama'. Not accidentally. Not wishfully. I just was. Nash gave me a little book he made this past summer called, "Mama Stephanie". The words he so poetically wrote cut deep down into my heart. I may not ever get married. I may not ever have biological children. But the Lord loves me despite all those things. And if that is not for me, He will change the desires and yearnings of my heart. But there is one thing I know my Beloved will allow me to be… and that is called 'Mama'.
Mama Stephanie
By: Nahashon
I call you Steph Mama for so many reasons.
You may never know of what value you are to my life.
But God has a reward for you.
When I first met you, I didn't know that I'd call you mum.
But God had it all laid in plan.
Our best time together was the quiet time with Jesus.
Above all I enjoyed to see you sit and have a ear to hear
Jesus say something to you.
Your hearty co-operation and hard work in everything
made an impression on what I should do to others.
You're ready heart to share.
Even at school with all our teachers through your teaching experience.
Though small it may seem-- thank you for being ready to share.
For our little ones at Fiwagoh… you are mum.
Playing and loving around to the least of these before lonely ones.
This did teach me a great lesson.
Help at work, even during pizza night.
No matter how small it was, you taught me
what it looks like to help, mum.
Your courage to me in leaving your country for a strange one.
Trusting fully that God will guide your way
is a story to tell.
Your smile was a sunshine.
I felt someone who cares for me was by me.
I know others felt it; including Daniel.
All your hugs.
You took away loneliness of many.
Thank you for sharing Jesus' love to us.
Your letters… what an encouragement.
I know I am a weak human and failing mortal.
You pray for me not to fail. Thank you mum for doing that.
To me your tears left a stain on my face.
Every time I think about it, I don't want to.
But most gloriously to see you again is what I
look forward to.
Praying for you.
Treasuring you mum.
I love you.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Redemption Group Psalm-- "Who You Are."
Brokenness. Hurt. Separation.
These are the consequences of a fallen world.
Lust. Fear. Anger.
These are the lies I see as satisfying or things that make me feel in control.
Shame. Anxiety. Hardened Heart.
These are the results of my sins.
Beloved, I desire, most ardently to follow you wholly.
O God, how my heart burns to be satisfied in you.
I long to be free from insecurities.
I yearn to be out of the bondage of my sins.
"As the deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and
appear before God?" (Psalm 42:1)
You, sweet Jesus, are my hope.
I rest in Your goodness.
I submerge myself in Your love.
So why do I worry?
Why do I fear?
What causes my mind to wander?
What brings about feelings of worthlessness?
These are lies…. and You are truth.
These are meant for my destruction...
And you, Father, are meant for my good.
You are unchangeable.
You don't waver or sway.
You are the cornerstone.
The rock of ages.
The beginning and the end.
El Shaddai--you are the Lord Almighty.
Adonai--You are our Lord and Master.
Jehovah Jireh--You, Lord, will provide.
Jehovah Shalom-- You, Lord, are our peace.
You are my LIFE SUSTAINER. You are my UPLIFTER
You are my PROTECTER, COMFORTER and my REDEEMER.
You are my HEARTACHE HEALER and faithful SHEPHERD.
You are my CREATOR, MAKER and beautiful SAVIOR.
You are the LORD OF LORDS AND KING OF KINGS.
You are the ALPHA AND OMEGA… You reign over everything.
You fill my cup… again and again.
YOU, MIGHTY GOD, ARE THE GREAT I AM!
These are the consequences of a fallen world.
Lust. Fear. Anger.
These are the lies I see as satisfying or things that make me feel in control.
Shame. Anxiety. Hardened Heart.
These are the results of my sins.
Beloved, I desire, most ardently to follow you wholly.
O God, how my heart burns to be satisfied in you.
I long to be free from insecurities.
I yearn to be out of the bondage of my sins.
"As the deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and
appear before God?" (Psalm 42:1)
You, sweet Jesus, are my hope.
I rest in Your goodness.
I submerge myself in Your love.
So why do I worry?
Why do I fear?
What causes my mind to wander?
What brings about feelings of worthlessness?
These are lies…. and You are truth.
These are meant for my destruction...
And you, Father, are meant for my good.
You are unchangeable.
You don't waver or sway.
You are the cornerstone.
The rock of ages.
The beginning and the end.
El Shaddai--you are the Lord Almighty.
Adonai--You are our Lord and Master.
Jehovah Jireh--You, Lord, will provide.
Jehovah Shalom-- You, Lord, are our peace.
You are my LIFE SUSTAINER. You are my UPLIFTER
You are my PROTECTER, COMFORTER and my REDEEMER.
You are my HEARTACHE HEALER and faithful SHEPHERD.
You are my CREATOR, MAKER and beautiful SAVIOR.
You are the LORD OF LORDS AND KING OF KINGS.
You are the ALPHA AND OMEGA… You reign over everything.
You fill my cup… again and again.
YOU, MIGHTY GOD, ARE THE GREAT I AM!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Lent.
Why would a girl, who grew up Baptist, be writing about or participating in Lent? Well, here is my explanation. I became interested in it a few days ago and began thinking about it and researching it. This is what I found:
"During Lent, many of the faithful commit to fasting or giving up certain types of luxuries as a form of penitence. Lent is traditionally described as lasting for forty days, in commemoration of the forty days which, according to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, Jesus spent fasting in the desert before the beginning of his public ministry, where he endured temptation by the Devil. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent for Roman Catholics and most mainline Reformed and Protestant traditions. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, penance, repentance of sins, almsgiving, atonement and self-denial."
So, taking some time to think about it, I decided that I was going to participate. I had my doubts but I think that my decision is based on the heart. You see, Lent is basically the practice of giving up something to focus on Christ; His sacrifice and what He did for us. When it becomes a strict rule, or legalistic, then you have missed the point. It isn't about successfully completing 40 Days without something. It is about giving something up that takes away focus from Jesus.
I do not like being vulnerable or super honest about my struggles and life (pride issues)… but, I am using this blog to share and show what I will be giving up for a few reasons. The first reason is because sin in the darkness cannot receive healing. It must be brought out into the light for restoration and sanctification to occur. Also, we are called to confess our sins. Some sins seem worse than others-- I am sure once I share what I struggle with that many people will think… that isn't THAT bad. But a sin is a sin is a sin… and when anything takes my eyes off of Jesus and onto it… then it is serious. And lastly, because we are called to walk beside others and live life in community. I am unsure about this next 40 Days and will need constant accountability, encouragement and prayer. However, I am sure of and thankful for two things… grace and Jesus. He is better. So if giving something up for Lent wasn't a struggle then I would say that you should probably reconsider your choice in what to give up. Because, what I see Lent as, is when we give something up…. because we want more of Jesus and see Him as being more satisfying.
So…. after much deliberation, I have decided to give up sweets (desserts/snacks) for Lent. My reasoning? No, it isn't because I want to lose weight. No, it isn't because bathing suit weather is right around the corner. I have chosen this because embarrassingly enough I have noticed that I turn to food (especially sweets) when times get tough. I listen to the lies of the enemy and run to eat my feelings instead of dealing with them and laying them before the Father. So when I hear, "You aren't good enough.", "No one will love you!", "You have nothing and will be alone forever… you might as well eat."… I will go before my Beloved and receive the truths He has promised!! It will be hard. I will want to cheat. I may even fail… but I think this is a beautiful picture of how our relationship with the Lord is. We may fail… but there is grace. We may turn to things other than our Father in times of struggle and weakness… but there is forgiveness. Some of you may feel charged to join me in this season of Lent and refocus your eyes on Jesus. Some of you may not feel that this is the time for that or that it doesn't need to be in that time setting. All of that is great… because above achieving a successful Lent, tearing away from destructive addictive behavior and looking "good and put together"… having Jesus is more important. So fast for a week… fast for a day… fast for the next hour…. but see Jesus as good and precious and BETTER!! That is what we are called to do!
"Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You." -Psalm 63:3
"During Lent, many of the faithful commit to fasting or giving up certain types of luxuries as a form of penitence. Lent is traditionally described as lasting for forty days, in commemoration of the forty days which, according to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke, Jesus spent fasting in the desert before the beginning of his public ministry, where he endured temptation by the Devil. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent for Roman Catholics and most mainline Reformed and Protestant traditions. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, penance, repentance of sins, almsgiving, atonement and self-denial."
So, taking some time to think about it, I decided that I was going to participate. I had my doubts but I think that my decision is based on the heart. You see, Lent is basically the practice of giving up something to focus on Christ; His sacrifice and what He did for us. When it becomes a strict rule, or legalistic, then you have missed the point. It isn't about successfully completing 40 Days without something. It is about giving something up that takes away focus from Jesus.
I do not like being vulnerable or super honest about my struggles and life (pride issues)… but, I am using this blog to share and show what I will be giving up for a few reasons. The first reason is because sin in the darkness cannot receive healing. It must be brought out into the light for restoration and sanctification to occur. Also, we are called to confess our sins. Some sins seem worse than others-- I am sure once I share what I struggle with that many people will think… that isn't THAT bad. But a sin is a sin is a sin… and when anything takes my eyes off of Jesus and onto it… then it is serious. And lastly, because we are called to walk beside others and live life in community. I am unsure about this next 40 Days and will need constant accountability, encouragement and prayer. However, I am sure of and thankful for two things… grace and Jesus. He is better. So if giving something up for Lent wasn't a struggle then I would say that you should probably reconsider your choice in what to give up. Because, what I see Lent as, is when we give something up…. because we want more of Jesus and see Him as being more satisfying.
So…. after much deliberation, I have decided to give up sweets (desserts/snacks) for Lent. My reasoning? No, it isn't because I want to lose weight. No, it isn't because bathing suit weather is right around the corner. I have chosen this because embarrassingly enough I have noticed that I turn to food (especially sweets) when times get tough. I listen to the lies of the enemy and run to eat my feelings instead of dealing with them and laying them before the Father. So when I hear, "You aren't good enough.", "No one will love you!", "You have nothing and will be alone forever… you might as well eat."… I will go before my Beloved and receive the truths He has promised!! It will be hard. I will want to cheat. I may even fail… but I think this is a beautiful picture of how our relationship with the Lord is. We may fail… but there is grace. We may turn to things other than our Father in times of struggle and weakness… but there is forgiveness. Some of you may feel charged to join me in this season of Lent and refocus your eyes on Jesus. Some of you may not feel that this is the time for that or that it doesn't need to be in that time setting. All of that is great… because above achieving a successful Lent, tearing away from destructive addictive behavior and looking "good and put together"… having Jesus is more important. So fast for a week… fast for a day… fast for the next hour…. but see Jesus as good and precious and BETTER!! That is what we are called to do!
"Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You." -Psalm 63:3
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Reflecting on 2013
So, a year ago, I wrote a post about the new year. I wrote about what I wanted to accomplish in 2013. I had so many dreams and wants and desires. Some got resolved or done…. some did not. I actually didn't even remember what I had said I wanted to do until I looked at my blog recently. So this year I am going to try and stick to my word and resolutions. Not for others-- but for me. I can be both super hard on myself and really forgiving (like too forgiving). I want to hold myself to a higher standard…. believe in myself and push myself to do good! So this post is going to revisit my 2013 resolutions and show what was done and what I didn't accomplish. So, here we go…
2013 Resolutions:
So these were my resolutions. As you can see I did some great things… but I slacked on some others. Instead of looking back with regret I will look at the good and move forward. Big things… I experienced Jesus in amazing ways, I was blessed enough to go back to Africa, I made memories, learned from mistakes and will continue to grow. So as far as I am concerned, 2013 was a good year. Here is looking at 2014…. may you bring even more growth, memories and beautiful life lessons. May you be filled with love, excitement and joy. Happy New Year everyone!!
2013 Resolutions:
-Memorize and know scripture--I did not do well with this in twenty-thirteen.
I want to push myself to do better this year and truly hide the gospel in my heart.
-Achieve goal weight-- Nope… haha that's all I am going to say about
that. Working towards getting healthy in 2014.
-Run a 5K without stopping/Become a runner--I didn't run a 5K without stopping, however, I did
learn to enjoy running more. So, hopefully I will become a better runner and
finish that 5K this year.
-Begin learning a new language-- Thanks to an app called DuoLingo (this is an awesome app)
I began learning Spanish again. I also got an app to teach me more Swahili.
-Travel back to Kenya--Did it. Changed my life. Have already signed up to go back in 2014.
-Be a mentor to someone--Loved on and encouraged lots of young girls but no one specific.
-Perform a kind deed to 28 people (years of how old I will be) without expecting anything in return-- Don't
know how many acts of kindness I did over the year… but I can always do more! :)
-Write a letter to my friends that mean the most to me and let them know-- I am doing this today!
-Learn to play guitar-- No-- but I would love to!
-Go on a road trip-- Yes… my rooms and I took a trip before school started this year.
-Allow myself to be vulnerable-- Yes… it was not in the way I expected, but I did allow
my heart to be opened and for people to make their way in.
-Go skiing-- Unfortunately, no.
-Read 10 books by October--or more-- (at least one a month)-- I didn't get to 10.
-Go stay at a hotel by myself and just "get away" from life for a night.-- This is one I really wanted to
do but didn't get to. I WILL be doing this in my next year.
-Help someone in need.-- This is cool to see because I was able to do this for one of my student's
families this Christmas. I was able to get presents, clothes and food for them.
Probably one of the most amazing feelings in the world bc I could feel them seeing Jesus.
-Do something crazy and out of character-- Moved out by myself. That is huge… and so
far it has been great.
-Encourage staff at my school weekly-- I dropped the ball on this being done weekly. However, I did
get to encourage people that needed it. I want to do better at this, this next semester.
-Make a difference-- This is like the acts of kindness. I think I am making a difference (so many
people in Midlothian are developing a heart for Africa)… but I can never do this perfectly.
I can always do more.
-Go to a casino-- Yes… the rooms and I went to Choctaw in Durant, Ok and stayed at the
hotel overnight, laid out at the pool and played on the slots
and it was such a fun, relaxing time.
-Buy an expensive perfume for myself-- Nope… still cheap.
-Go on a non-budget shopping spree-- I tried…. but I still caught myself being worried. But I did buy
things that I wouldn't normally have let myself splurge on.
-Play in the rain-- Unintentionally. haha
-Learn to play chess-- Negative.
-Go out dancing with my friends-- I got to dance with friends…. but we were at a wedding.
And honestly it was more fun and not uncomfortable at times or too crowded. :)
-Keep a jar and fill it with notes of good things that happen throughout the year and read them on NYE-- I didn't do this… I need to this year though!
So these were my resolutions. As you can see I did some great things… but I slacked on some others. Instead of looking back with regret I will look at the good and move forward. Big things… I experienced Jesus in amazing ways, I was blessed enough to go back to Africa, I made memories, learned from mistakes and will continue to grow. So as far as I am concerned, 2013 was a good year. Here is looking at 2014…. may you bring even more growth, memories and beautiful life lessons. May you be filled with love, excitement and joy. Happy New Year everyone!!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
He will supply every need.
"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:19
My God will supply my EVERY need. He will do this according to His riches in Christ Jesus. We can be fully assured of this. He has crafted and formed us. Does the Creator not know every detail about His creation? He designed us. He knows and understands the longings we have and yearn for. He set these in us. Not to be spiteful, but to point us back to Him.
So many times desires arise in me that I believe are selfish and not biblical, so instead of taking them humbly before the throne, I push them aside, bury them and deny having these feelings. We are told, in Hebrews 4:16, "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." That means in all situations.
So why don't I do this? Why do I feel I can handle situations better than Jesus. Well, first and foremost, it could be because I am the worst sinner I know. I lie. I steal. I cheat. I covet. I lust. I hate. I break every one of the commandments. But thankfully, God's grace is so beautifully poured over me daily that I can remind myself that I am saved and forgiven. Another reason, is that I believe the whispers of Satan more than the whispers of Jesus sometimes. It breaks my heart to say that… but I do. I am a broken woman living in a broken world. So when I hear Jesus say, "Stephanie… be still. Wait and be patient." and I hear Satan say, "If you wait too long he may move on. Go ahead… text him. He loves Jesus… so this isn't bad." I am not following my shepherd. I can hear you now… "uhhh, but Stephanie, texting isn't bad." And you're right… it isn't. It isn't unless you have been told not to and you do it anyways. Texting alone is not a sin (however, I do believe it has completely altered conversation in the world today and given men--and women-- the ability to not know how to communicate and have relationships… but that is a different blog on a different day) but it is an example in my life. The act of texting is fine if done rightly… but when I run to a man to make me feel accepted, loved, worthy and attractive I am replacing Jesus for that man and that is when it becomes wrong. That is when I have made a man into an idol.
So today I am going to be meditating on Philippians 4:19. I will be speaking truth to myself and remembering that MY GOD will supply every need of mine. That He loves to align my heart up with His desires. He also welcomes me up to His lap to sit and cry out to Him. No request, hurt or desire is off limits. He sees me as His daughter and He wants me to run to Him in all things. There is nothing I can say or do that will shock or surprise Him. There is also nothing I can do that will cause Him to banish me or love me less. He loves me unceasingly. Nothing can change or alter that. What are you withholding from our Savior today? Whatever it is… don't you think it's time to take it to Him? Let Him comfort and help you. He is good… when there is NOTHING good in us!
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