2 Days Until Africa

I haven't been on here in months-- this was a crazy semester. However, I have had a lot of people ask me if I was going to blog about and from Kenya. Well... my old computer went Ker-plunk a few months ago so that is not going to be happening this trip. However, I am going to write before, and journal while I am there, and write what I went through and experienced and blog about it when I get back.

It's crazy. This will be my 4th mission trip (twice back to Africa). And even though I have been to different places and continents... it always starts out the same. Hard. Hard spiritually, mentally, physically.... hard. And if you think about it, this makes perfect sense because we were told of this. In James it says..."you.WILL.face.trials.....of.MANY.kinds!!" You see, I am going to do the Lord's work. I am going to be an ambassador for the Lord. I was asked "Who shall I send? And who will go for US?" And I replied, "Here I am Lord, send me!!" (Isaiah 6:8) And so to Satan... I am a threat. I am walking on his territory. I am bothering him. I am boldly going to these precious people that he has tried to claim and am telling them that witchcraft, and idol worship and child sacrifice is not how you gain God's love. I am showing them that all you have to do is, "Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, and you will be saved."(Romans 10:9) And it's simple and easy and attractive... and honestly, that pisses Satan off (sorry mom). I will say it this way... it frustrates him to his core. He hates God and he hates his followers (me)... so when I am going out there speaking truth and declaring the GOOD NEWS... he wants to trip me up. Whether that is get me sick.... whether that is put a distraction in my mind.... whether that is make me nervous.... or put doubts in me. He is going to try the best he can to make this trip as unsuccessful and meaningless as possible.

However.... apparently Satan forgot who I serve. Because I DO NOT serve a little man made idol that I can control. You see, I DO NOT serve a God who gets easily tripped up and confused. I DO NOT serve a God who loses faith or boldness and cowers when confronted with difficulty. I just don't. I serve a God who is BIGGER. I serve a God that is STRONGER. I serve a God who is STEADFAST. I serve a God that is MORE POWERFUL, MORE INTELLIGENT, and BOLDER. And most importantly, I serve a God who is VICTORIOUS. My God has already won. And that REALLY angers Satan.

I have not even began packing my clothes yet.... I have washed a lot so that is a step. haha But more importantly than making sure that all my stuff is prepared and ready (and I understand that is pretty important)... I want to make sure that my heart is prepared and ready. More importantly than making sure that I have clothes to be dressed in that are appropriate for Africa.....I want to make sure that I am dressed in my armor. That I am fully covered in my belt of truth, my breastplate of righteousness, my shield of faith, my helmet of salvation, my sword of the Spirit and that my feet are fitted with readiness that comes from the Gospel of peace. (Ephesians 6:10-18) I am excited to be going back to this place that holds my heart. But more importantly than that.... I am excited to spread the good news.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." -Luke 4:18-19  Selah.

Speaking Truth....to Yourself

“Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment [in Psalm 42] was this: instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says, “Self, listen for moment, I will speak to you"... the main art in the matter of spiritual living id to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must turn on yourself, unbraid yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: 'Hope in God'-- instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, of who God is, of what God has done, and of what God has pledged Himself to do. Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: 'I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance..."  -Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

How many times do we listen to ourselves? You're not good enough. You're not pretty enough. You're not smart enough. You're not fun enough. You're not skinny enough. You're not spiritual enough.

And why do we do this? We do this because we are not talking to ourselves. We are listening to the words in our head instead of clinging to the truth. What is the point of preaching to ourselves, you ask? Well, we are so prone to wander and forget truth and the gospel that it isn't just a suggestion... it's a necessity. Like Dr. Lloyd-Jones reminded us in his quote... it's biblical. Psalm 42:5 proves it. 

So how can we preach to ourselves?

-We need to know scripture so we can combat the lies we are listening to with truth.

::I'll give a personal example... today I was listening to lies about my body image and having thoughts of hatred towards myself. But I remembered what I have been learning about preaching to myself so I began doing it in the car. "Stephanie, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)." "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised, Steph (Prov. 31:30)." "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-4)." Its crazy how when you begin to fight off the lies with His promises how renewed and uplifted you instantly can feel.::

-Another way of preaching to yourself is to realize what the ROOT of that sin is. Like, I know I have self-esteem issues.... but besides being displeased with my body, what am I really struggling with? Come to find out-- once I poked and prodded around the issues I saw the answers. 

"I am upset about how I look and how that makes me feel!".... well...why do you care? "Well, I don't like that this is how people perceive and see me!".... well.... why do you care? "Well, I just want to look good in people's eyes!".... well.... why do you care? "Well, I just want to be liked by people and I think that if I don't look good then they won't see me a certain way or like me."....well (you see the pattern)... why do you care? "WELL, I guess because I am a people pleaser to the core and am really finding my acceptance and approval in them and not in Jesus!" Ding Ding Ding.... we have a winner. 

My issue isn't about being a certain size, or looking a certain way, or even feeling a certain way. My issue is that I have an idol of approval in my life. My heart is more concerned with others than Jesus.... and THAT is a problem. Bottom line... if we don't understand the character of God, we will default to thinking God doesn't love me! These seasons of hurt or difficulty or suffering can make us bitter towards God. However, when we go through these situations they are intended to bring us closer to Him. He knows what to bring us through so sin is exposed and we can become more Christ-like! And ultimately-- this will make us sharper tools in His hands. Wow... how humbling? So if I have to go through the valleys to become more sanctified.... bring on cruddy valley. But during those times I need to remember to not be a victim or passive in my struggles.... but to run to Him and speak truth and the Gospel to myself.

 Listening to yourself "assumes" your right. Talking to yourself assumes you're wrong!

2 Corinthians 4:17

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." -2 Corinthians 4:17

How encouraging is this? The junk that I go through daily. The sadness that overwhelms me. The circumstances that break my heart. The sin I run back to every day and night. All of this "light, momentary affliction" is preparing for me an eternal weight of GLORY beyond all comparison. I am encouraged by that. I am so incredibly thankful for a God who sees the sin I seek satisfaction in and yet still forgives me when I come running back and fall before Him on my knees.

I also love how it is referred to as light affliction. We are a sinful people, living in a fallen world. We are exposed to sickness, death, betrayal, abortion, temptation, rape, slavery, famine, mental diseases, racism, and hate. We each have our own junk that consumes us and eats at us. We all have some "affliction" in our lives that hurt and drag us through the mud. To many of us these circumstances don't seem "light". They actually seem quite heavy. They weigh us down, drain us and sometimes make us feel empty and alone. However, the word in the middle of light and affliction, I believe, may be one of the most powerful words in this entire passage: MOMENTARY. As in "short-lived or an instant; ephemeral." This means that it will pass. It will not last forever. There is an end in sight... and it is not only good-- but BETTER!

So when things seem tough. When times appear hard. When the difficulties of this world resemble times that are unbearable and seasons that are troublesome... I will remember what 2 Corinthians 4:17 says. Yes times will be hard. Yes you will encounter trials. But if you have Jesus it will not last forever. It will be momentary. You will be saved from it. And you will soon experience greater joy, happiness and beauty than you could ever imagine. So if I must go through the trials and pain to get to Jesus... I will go through those hardships. Because if you were to ask me if I wanted comfort, happiness and for everything to go my way here on Earth or pain, hardships and Jesus.... my reply would boldly be "GIVE ME JESUS!"

Thankfulness is in the EYE of the beholder Sesh #1

Last night I saw my roommate waking around the house taking pictures. At first I thought she was just capturing some pics of the house.... then I saw her taking pictures of random things... like RAN-DOM! When I was drying my hair she walked in and said "I am going to take pictures of ONE THOUSAND THINGS that bless me... wanna join me!??!" I said ONE THOUSAND things? That is a lot! She said "Okay what about one hundred?" I said... okay-- I can do that! So here is a little fact about Stephanie Daniell... when she is challenged-- she doesn't back down! So here we go-- these are the things in my life that I see/experience and that remind me of how blessed I am! They may be things that are similar to you or completely different... and it may encourage you to stop and capture things that remind you of the goodness bestowed on us through Him! Just stop.... and remember... Thankfulness is in the EYE of the beholder!

1. I am thankful that I still get excited about the First Day of School! I am just a life long learner!

2. This is my view from my desk... I LOVE my crazy/bright/fun/ classroom. It shows off my personality perfectly!

3. I am so very thankful for my view outside the window on my hall. I get to experience the beauty of our Creator and His majesty through sunrises every morning!

4. The super cute flag that shows you where the coolest team is! ;)

5. Sweet friends at work make teaching fun!

6. For the first time in a loooong time our team is drama free, excited about teaching and developing awesome lesson plans! All is right in the Land of First Grade!

Until next time....

Happy New Year... Happy New Me!

It comes around once a year.... it is the time a year people are told to sit and think about what they want in life and make goals to reach those ambitions. Today is New Year's Day... as my Daddy said today "this is the first day of a new year. You have a clean slate and get to decide what you want your life to look like." So as I sit here I think about what I want in life.... so these are my New Year's Resolutions for 2013!

1. Know Jesus better. I don't want to just have my quiet time or read the bible.... I want to KNOW Jesus. I want to KNOW His word.... breath it. Live by it. Speak it. I want to be set apart and known as being a child of the Most High King. I want my life to reflect my Beloved and I want Him to receive glory through everything I do and say.

2. Go back to Africa. I miss those babies... I miss that language. I miss the way they abandon everything and get on their faces before the Lord. I miss my precious Daniel. I miss the way he fit perfectly in my arms and the sound of his sweet voice when he sang "Stand Up...Stand Up for Jesus!"

3. Get Healthy. I have wanted/needed to make a lifestyle change for a long time now. I have a trainer, who I used when I first moved back to Midlothian, that I am going to be meeting with twice a week again starting next week. Hopefully, I will see a change in my life and for the better!

4. Be a Light at School. I have been given such an incredible opportunity to be a teacher. I get to be in contact with my kiddos more in a day than their parents will. That gives me the awesome position to be a light to kiddos that may not get it anywhere else. I have the chance to love well, forgive, teach, mold, care for, and encourage. It's a pretty neat place to be in...

Basically-- I want to complete the things on my Bucket List. I think that because I am going to be turning 28 in October 2013 I would like to do these 28 things (some may be repeats from above):

-Memorize and know scripture

-Achieve goal weight

-Run a 5K without stopping/Become a runner

-Begin learning a new language

-Travel back to Kenya

-Be a mentor to someone

-Perform a kind deed to 28 people (years of how old I will be) without expecting anything in return

-Write a letter to my friends that mean the most to me and let them know

-Learn to play guitar

-Go on a road trip

-Bake a cake for someone special

-Allow myself to be vulnerable

-Go skiing

-Read 10 books by October--or more-- (at least one a month)

-Go stay at a hotel by myself and just "get away" from life for a night.

-Help someone in need.

-Do something crazy and out of character

-Encourage staff at my school weekly

-Make a difference

-Go to a casino

-Buy an expensive perfume for myself

-Go camping

-Finish movie suggestion list 

-Go on a non-budget shopping spree

-Play in the rain

-Learn to play chess

-Go out dancing with my friends

-Keep a jar and fill it with notes of good things that happen throughout the year and read them on NYE

Excited for this new year and to see what experiences the Lord allows me to go through!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving... Giving Thanks. Thankful for the things I have been given. I am the sponsor of a club at my school called the Kindness and Compassion Club. We do exactly what it says... promote Kindness and Compassion throughout our school, city, state, and world. It goes along with Rachel's Challenge, which was started by the family of one of the students killed in the Columbine Shooting, Rachel Scott. It is a really great program and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time pouring into these kids and challenging them to be not only kind when people are watching, but also when they are alone. I have had the opportunity to love on and encourage them. I speak Gospel truth and use my time there to shine brightly and let Jesus speak through me. It is really awesome and I love it.

Coming back from that bunny trail, I talked to my KC Club about what it means to be thankful. We talked about how we are a people who are constantly dissatisfied with our lives. We always want more, more, more. We rarely stop to thank the Lord for what we have been given and what He has provided for us. I had them make posters about the things they were thankful for, and then I had them make announcements every day saying what they were thankful for. I thought in doing this, that the entire school could get the mindset that we are very blessed. The second week I thought it would be good for the students to hear what the teachers were thankful for. I thought it would humanize them to the kids and let them see that we are just like they are.

It literally shocked me how hard it was for people to tell me what they were thankful for. I would ask them "what is something you are thankful for that you would like to share with the school?" And you would have thought I asked them "which of your children do you love the least?" haha Ok that may be a bit dramatic, but it was sad. I thought, "gosh, I have so many things in my life I am so blessed by that it is hard for me to chose just ONE thing to have said." I think we have developed this mindset that if things aren't going exactly the way we want them to that life is hard or bad. That if we are having to cut back a little financially or if our life plans/goals are not coming at the pace we'd like them to (guilty) that  things are tough and we are 'just getting by'.

Maybe it is because I have seen what true poverty, sickness, sadness and hurt looks like. Maybe it is because I have felt a tummy grumbling so fiercely while holding a precious baby boy that I have a clear vision of what the meaning "I'm STARVING" feels like. Perhaps it is because I have seen the look on a child's face when I told them 'I love you' and realized that was the first time they have ever been told that, that I know what loneliness overcome by joy looks like. But I also see what restoration in Jesus looks like. He has allowed me to see "good news for the poor" and "freedom for captives" (Isaiah 61:1).

::Lord... let me not get so overwhelmed with this temporal life I have. Let my eyes be constantly fixed on You and Your goodness. Let me not only be reminded of all the blessings You have poured out on my life during this time of the month but year round. Allow me to be a light in my school, my church, my group of friends, my family, my neighbors and those I come into contact with. Let my THANKFULNESS be attractive to those I encounter and that it is contagious.::

What I am THANKFUL for :

-My Beloved. I am thankful that He loved me so much that despite already knowing my disgusting sin and choices that He chose to die for me. That He endured pain and hate and suffering so I wouldn't have to. That He still constantly pursues me and loves me despite my mistakes. And that He is my advocate and fights for me when I am helpless and broken.

-My Family. I have an amazing father who loves me well and provides me for. He seeks to uplift me and points me to Jesus in every situation. I have a mother that is caring and wants the best for me. I have two sisters who have become my close friends. We used to fight a lot but by the grace of God, He is maturing our hearts and spirits and allowing us to truly enjoy and look forward to each other's company!

-My Friends. I have two different groups. First group... I have friends of old (who are still my friends but we don't get to see each other as often). These are my E's, who I have written about on here. They are the women who I met my freshman year of college and who were apart of some big points in my life. They were and will always be there for me and I am so blessed by them! Second group, is my current group of friends/community. These are the men and women that I live life with. They are the ones that I can count on to come hang when I am bored, join me in a random late night movie, listen to me when I am sad or angry or lonely, pray for me and know the things I am going through, get heated when I am hurt by someone and promise to be there for me and protect me when I am scared. They know my heart and tend to it well. They are the ones who encourage and care for me. I am so blessed by the group of people I have in my life right now. The Lord has really poured out His grace on me in this area.

-My School. I love my job. This year has been kind of overwhelming, but so good. In my times of craziness... which happen almost daily... it reminds me that I am so weak and cannot do it on my own. It points me to Jesus and has me pour out my junk at His feet and rest in His will. I have a job that I can love on people well and help shape the lives of our future. I am intentional with my words and actions and see every opportunity as a chance to share Jesus.

-My Church. Gosh-- I don't even know what to say. My church is amazing. It doesn't sugar coat things which I appreciate so much. It makes me uncomfortable and convicted every single Sunday. It is brings the Gospel and shows us how to sift things that are not of the Lord out of our lives. It has made me understand and fall more in love with Jesus more. It has allowed me to see Him as not only a Pursuer, a Father, and Protector, a Romancer, a Satisfier, a Confidant, a Teacher, a Motivator, a Comforter, a Heartbreak Healer.... but as a Friend, a Care Taker, a Shepherd, a Savior, the Creator, the Maker, Life Sustainer, My Redeemer, Lord and King, Beginning and the End.

I am thankful for my life and the purpose I have here on this Earth. Use me Father... wake me up from my stagnate life and allow me to be used for Your glory!

You are working in our waiting...You're sanctifying us.

That is a difficult truth to understand and see clearly. You are working in our waiting...You're sanctifying us. Working in our waiting. Waiting. Wait. I feel like that word has been saturating my life for the past 4 years since I graduated college. I have been in this season of waiting. Waiting... to see if I get a job. Waiting... to move out of my parents house. Waiting... to change the world through the eyes of my students. Waiting.... to leave the country and go to an unknown continent. Waiting.... to return back to that continent and see the ones I love so dearly. Waiting... to be pursued. Waiting... to be loved fully by a man. Waiting.... to be a wife. A mother. Working in our waiting. Waiting. Wait.

The word hits me like a ton of bricks. I have been told by my friends, family, teachers, pastors, homegroup leaders and books upon books to be still before the Lord and wait PATIENTLY! They told me "keep seeking Jesus and when you are completely satisfied with Him and when you least expect it... He will bring your husband to you!" I am ashamed to say I believed and fell into this idea. Like God was a teacher giving out tickets (this is how I reward for good behavior so bear with me)... He was looking for the student that was quietly working, that listened every time He tried to get our attention and that if someone was in need of help-- like if they dropped their crayons or needed help tying their shoes-- that you were willing to help and were the first one at their side. However... like my students, I need to be reminded that I am doing this because this is what we are called to do... not because I expect a reward for my efforts. I have to have a deep and inward shift of my heart so that my actions are not "so Jesus will see me living for Him and hear the desires of my heart"... but rather "so Jesus will see me living for Him and because I am so enthralled with Him and humbled by the fact that He has chosen to love and pursue me, that my heart is aligned with the desires of His heart and that I love His people because that is what He has called me to do!"

I want to live life and live it abundantly. I want to live everyday to the fullest. I want to be spent every night because I gave everything I had sharing Jesus, loving people well and being a reflection of our Savior. I don't want to be known as a woman who is sitting around waiting for someone or something. I want to be known as a woman who is helplessly, hopelessly, fully and completely in love with the Ultimate Romancer. I want people to see me and say "WOW... that girl loves her some Jesus!" I want the joy in my heart to be seen in my actions. Through my words. On my face.

Thank you Lord for loving me so much that You continue to sanctify me through my waiting.